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Self Pleasure is a practice and a prayer. Much like yoga or gardening, you don’t get all the fruit from the practice in one session. It really takes time, devotion and connection to the weaving that’s happening as all the practices begin to merge together and wash through your cellular memory to create a body that is a conduit for pleasure, bliss and ecstasy.

Self Pleasure is a practice and a prayer. Much like yoga or gardening, you don’t get all the fruit from the practice in one session. It really takes time, devotion and connection to the weaving that’s happening as all the practices begin to merge together and wash through your cellular memory to create a body that is a conduit for pleasure, bliss and ecstasy.

Observing, tending, and tasting the elixir that is your body is what allows you to come into deep reverence with the magick that is possible. I hear from many of my students at the Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy the challenge to stay connected to their Self Pleasure practice, many distractions pulling them away from being here in the moment but it’s those moments when you catch yourself being drawn away, that the many lights that have started to glow in each practice are able to fully shine and beam their luminosity for all to see. 


When beginning your journey and creating a Self Pleasure Practice I recommend setting up your space. Recognising that your bed can be associated with sleeping, your partner’s sexuality, or other sexual experiences. It’s the place you go to when you’re tired and done with the day. Your Self Pleasure practice area should be a shrine. An ode to the version of yourself that you are pulling through with every time you practice. 

For this, I recommend finding a comfortable rug or yoga mat with a luxe blanket and cushion, when you build an inviting nest you will feel drawn to be there. Once you’ve created the comfort you can begin to call in the magick by building an altar, or a small shrine with some sacred items that may anchor you to feel more of your sensuality. Enticing your senses with candles, incense, pictures of goddesses/gods, oracle cards, tinctures, herbs or plants from your garden or the local community park, some shells from the beach or a feather from a bushwalk. There are really no rules with altars, other than trusting what you feel drawn to and comes to you on your path. 

Once you’ve created your space you’ll start to recognise there is an energy that begins to build in this area of your home, as you tend to this space, adding to it, bringing offerings of flowers, trinkets etc you are opening a portal for the mundane to turn to magick. Inviting a place just for you, your emotions, your present moment. With each time you come to your practice, it’ll be easier and easier to come into your body and feel what is there. 

Now that your space is set up and created, put two 30 minute sessions in your diary or calendar to get you started with accountability. Label it, ‘Connecting to the temple that is my body.’


Personally, I find that music is one of the most important parts of the practice, it’s what takes the brain from logical cognition into a trance-like state where we stop thinking and start feeling through our body. It isn’t uncommon for people to share that they experience Self Pleasure somewhat like dancing. As movement and trusting where you’re body takes you next is key in the experience of the Self Pleasure Practice. 

To select your music sit down and drop into the body, take a breath and notice what you’re feeling. Journey beneath the thoughts and into your subconscious allowing whatever arises to come to the surface and inform you. You might be feeling a little cheeky and naughty and therefore may want to try one of these playlists  

Or maybe you’re feeling some deep and solemn emotions and you want to feel them start moving.

Rest my soul
Stirring in my loins
Surrender to softness

The important thing to recognise is that all of you is welcome here and you’re not needing to chase or make something happen, just being with what is there is all there is to do. Perhaps you’re feeling joy but no arousal, and that is perfect too!


Now you’ve got your space set up, recognise that Self Pleasure is not masturbation. Masturbation involves stimulating the genitals and having a goal of arousal, pleasure and orgasm. Whereas Self Pleasure has no goal but invites you to spend some allocated time with your body, I recommend setting a timer on your phone for 30 minutes to get you started with accountability to stay in the practice. 

Once you’re with your body you may start to recognise that your mind is busy and thinking about other things. Bring your awareness to your thoughts and allow yourself to trace those thoughts down to the emotions, then from there recognise where in your body you can feel the feelings, once you’ve identified where you can feel the feelings start to recognise the sensations.

Sensations are the language of the body and therefore do not respond to our words or mind telling them what to do, they show up as tension, contraction, heat, coolness, tingling, vibrating, pulling, pulsing, trembling or twitching. To come into relationship with the body we must speak to the sensations in the body through the following tools 

  • Sound
  • Breath
  • Movement
  • Touch

Allow every sensation to inspire a movement in the body, either a stretch, a yawn, some hip swirling or shaking.

With every feeling allow your breath to travel down into that part of the body and expand. Encourage some tapping, rubbing, warmth or fingernails to be placed on the body to experience touch, while making some sounds such as humming, sighing, singing one of the vowels A, E, I, O, U.

Be aware that these ideas are just there to get you started, once you’ve awakened your Self Pleasure practice you’ll begin to discover how your instinct and intuition can guide you without you having to think about what to do next.


I have found that getting to know the body is a continual journey of meeting the mystery of the present moment. At New Paradigm Intimacy we have many many practices we will share with you but in the first 6 months, I recommend honing in with one or two practices continuously. You can think of these practices as medicine. When you journey deeply with one you get to know exactly how it impacts your body. Once you’re clear on that then you have so much resource to know exactly how to be with your body when life is challenging you.

Here are some of our Self Pleasure Practices to get you started:


The Self Pleasure modality is a powerful tool whether alone or with a practitioner. Yet I have found people have had the best results and experiences when they have allowed themselves to lean into the support of a practitioner. A practitioner offers a space of non-judgement and is able to guide you on a journey to the results you are looking for. Whether that is to experience more body confidence, discover your pleasure or start to utilise sex magick to create the reality you dream of. They will be able to help, we have practitioners of all genders and sexualities and can find you someone who is right for you.

When journeying with a practitioner they will take you through a series of activities to clear through any past ideas or beliefs you hold around your sexuality that may be stopping you from being in your full-body pleasure experience. Once that is complete they will take you through a collection of embodiment practices to enhance the pathways to your pleasure, offering you ways you can explore various aspects of your sexuality. To finalise they will take you into cutting edge techniques to have you access your soul path and manifest your dream life. 

These journeys are tailor-made to your request and there is no requirement for you to be naked or touch your genitals in the session.

If you have a curiosity about exploring this work, check out the New Paradigm of of Intimacy here.

In love and pleasure, 


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